Yesterday- bad.
I am laughing at my blog from yesterday being called “Motivation”. I was clearly struggling with it in the morning, but I did succeed in getting out the door. Problem was that there was an underlying reason why I was struggling with my motivation: I was tired. I did not realize it though. So, I got out the door to warm-up for my trainer/sprint workout and got home and set everything up. I have a great setup for this workout and NEED it too! It is as hard (if not harder) mentally as physically, so I have to be prepared. I have my bike in my computrainer and a digital projector projecting the iTunes visualizer and a huge digital clock on the wall for me to time my efforts and I have music BLASTING. I also have a big box fan blowing full blast right on me, as sweat pours off my body and forms glistening pools under my bike. I am also a bit embarrassed to admit this- but I also have tacked up jerseys that I have won on the walls. It is a big ego-maniac type thing to do, but that is not why I do it. I have them there for no one to see but me. They are there to remind me of what my goals are. I want to be the best in the world. I have hung up a representative of every jersey I have won to remind me of how far I have come, and to remind me of what it feels like to win. I am training to WIN. I am not training for second place. I look at my walls and I remember that. It is my little den down there- a workout room for me to push myself. Yesterday was one of my days to be down there, working hard.
Things do not always go as planned, however. Yesterday was one of those days. I had warmed up and then came back to the house and setup my bike, filled my bottles and slurped down a couple Clif Shots. Ready to go. I had an hour on the schedule, I was psyching myself up. I LOVE this workout. It hurts so badly. It is so hard. I could not do it on the road, as I would fall off my bike. I trash myself and collapse in exhaustion when it is over.
But yesterday, I clambered up onto my bike and started: 10 minutes later, I was off my bike and unable to get back on. I just could not do it. I was exhausted! My legs were just dead and I could not do it. Physically or mentally. I was done. 10 minutes. Argh. Not good.
I called Linda and told her that I was not doing so hot and explained. She gave me the night off- which I really needed. I joined Andrew at the Indians’ game against Detroit (they lost in the 10th inning: good game and a packed house!). It was good to get out of the house, not be doing stuff on the computer and not be riding. I had not realized how badly I needed a break until yesterday. There was a reason why I was struggling to get myself going and a reason why I was not able to finish my workout. I needed a break. Linda pushes me hard. Very hard. Then, when I am tried, only THEN do we back off. I raced Nature Valley, then went straight into hard training: track camp, then some solid training before Altoona. After ‘Toona, it was one day off and back into the hard training again. I have not stopped. I have been responding well, so we keep piling on the miles and the intervals. I am training for Europe: I want to win. I want to go back and show that it was not a fluke that I did well in the Spring. I had a bunch of rest before Nature Valley and this is like a second season for me. I am peaking for September, not for August. So, yes. I was tired. I needed a break and got one.
So today...
Well, yes, I needed a break and I calmly write about it now. But yesterday, grasped by the wrenching pangs of defeat, I could not see things so clearly. I was so mad at myself for feeling like I quit. SO mad! So frustrated. I was upset. I HATE to quit. It was hard for me to keep the perspective that I have now: how hard I have been training, how hard I have been working on sponsorship stuff (now I am done with my part), how hard these workouts have been, and the fact that I was about to start my period (!)... humm... seems to make sense. I don’t think that I just quit or gave up. My body shut down and made me stop.
Well, so after yesterday though, I was determined to have a good, focused ride today. Linda prescribed some good hours of tempo with some cadence work. I went to bed excited to ride in the morning and set my alarm for 6:30AM. After the traditional and pre-requisite 30 minutes of snoozing, I practically jumped out of bed to make pancakes and get on my bike. I was out the door by 8:10.
I LOVED my bike today. I really really loved my bike. And it was a hard day to love my bike too: struggling with a cramping uterus and lower back from the root of my emotional upheaval of the day before, and riding hard, steady and long. I was trying to keep my power above 200W the whole day and keep my legs spinning. I wandered out toward the Amish country and then explored. I like riding out here: I ride to get lost. You can’t ever get all that lost, so it is fun to explore roads that you have never been down before and just wander around. I spent the first 2.5 hours riding roughly East/North and the rest riding roughly West/South. I had been gearing for 4 hours but ended up staying out for 5 hours of ride time (longer than that since my ride time does not include any coasting, as my speed sensor is broken and only registers power). I did take a couple breaks: once to play with a baby raccoon who I saw crossing the road. I could have touched him and almost did, but was worried he would bite me. I fed him half my Clif bar and a pancake. I was sad to see him, something was wrong, but I could not do anything save passing him along some food, and I could not see what was the matter anyway. But raccoon babies don’t cross roads by themselves in the middle of the day.
Then I did have a couple breaks to get more drink and food, rest a bit, then hit the road again. It turned into a long day: 6.5 hours of chamois time all and all. I came home and took the most intense nap I have had in ages! I just got back from dinner, eating a huge burrito and I might venture out for a sundae after a movie that I am planning on watching. Not sure which movie yet- but it is a TREAT to get to veg out with the TV. I am excited! I have not gotten a whole lot of time to veg in a while and my brain sure as heck is not worth much tonight.
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