All the symptoms of bike love!

It is easy to diagnose... I was riding along today, just getting back in the saddle after my post-Altoona day off, and I could not stop smiling! I would find myself spontaneously grinning, exposing my teeth to the dangers of flying insects and occasionally closing my eyes for a minute or too and absorbing all the sounds and the pure essence of the moment... This was a bike-love day!

I am thrilled! When I was so tired after Europe, I kept telling myself that I would come back into form and to be patient with my tired body. I knew it to be true, but it is still somehow hard to believe when you know what you SHOULD be able to do and just can’t do it with your worn out body. At Nature Valley, I was just starting to feel good again... but there were a lot of times when I knew that I was not where I had been earlier on in the season nor where I wanted to be at that point in the season. But I had a great training block between NV and Toona and I am finally starting to get that high from feeling strong on the bike again.

Skipping Nationals was a bit hard for me to do- I knew that it was not a good course for me and I wanted to get in some good training... but still. It is hard to miss a big race like that: missing my teammates, the friends in the peloton... But I am so glad that I did. I have come to really start to appreciate Cleveland. The training here is really good and I had a productive good hard block of training leading into Altoona. And Toona itself was, as I said yesterday, fantastic! The best part for me is that I feel so good now. I just got back from 7 days of very hard racing, and I am not tired. I felt like a million bucks on the bike today. Last year, I was worked after Toona. This is really giving me great perspective into how much I have developed over the last year and is really giving me a boost of confidence for where I can go from here. A confidence boost is always a good thing. We all need it from time to time!

On a different note... one thing that I read today made me sad and really pissed me off a bit- or, rather, a lot. I want to believe that the riders in the Tour are all clean, but sadly, I would be lying if I said I were surprised by the latest results of yet another doper caught... sigh. It is so sad. But, that is one thing. What irritated me today is someone (not a friend) sent me a link to a picture of Laura Van Guilder that was on some VeloNews blog with the caption “tickets to the gun show” & “what is she on?”. Laura is incredibly built with serious guns- triceps like my quads: big. Not a typical cyclist. Although we have our differences, being very very different people, I have the utmost respect for her as a cyclist and as a person. There is absolutely no shadow of a question in my mind as to her being a clean, honest cyclist with incredible talent that has been honed from tremendous hard work. Yes, she is built like a bulldog. There is a little thing called genetics... some people ARE built like that and can climb hills with some of the best and sprint faster than just about anyone. Laura is that person. Even in jest, I hate to see that thrown around. Laura is clean. She is talented. She is hard working. End of story. If you saw her race at Altoona- you would take your hat off to her too. I want to beat her and I will. She is one of my biggest competitors. But I know that she is clean and that it will be an honor when I do best her.

Post-Toona High

WOW! I have been a bit AWOL with my blog since I spent the last week racing at Altoona. I am still on a high! It was a great week! Our team had hoped to end up placing better- but the racing was so great, that it is hard to feel bad.

There is so much that I want to write about this week, but my head is still swirling and a bit foggy after staying up waaaay to late last night with some friends and driving too long this AM. Quickly- the week was great. This is such a fun race since the profiles are hard, the money is good and so the competition is fantastic!

The races started out with a team time trial which we were really excited for and had never done before. We had some great TTT practices the day before (!) and were feeling optimistic that we could get in a good race and were shooting to land on the podium. Somehow, it was a total disaster in terms of that and we had a horrible showing. It was a big disappointment to everyone on our team and basically it was bad communication and not lack of horsepower. But that is just one day. There were days ahead and we could only let it pass. We did.

The exciting thing was that Webcor won, putting Lipton on the offensive, which I was happy about since I know that Kristin races her team aggressively and I wanted to see what would pan out over the course of the week. They did not disappoint and ended up driving some of the hardest racing we have done all year and aggressively took the yellow jersey, the climber jersey and landed third in the GC as well... to get there? They threw it down... hard.

Keeping it a BIT short... it turned into a great week. Our team had been gunning for a stage win and I had 4 shots at it... unfortunately, I did not manage to deliver. But I was happy with how the team raced and happy with how I raced, so that is good. I was happy to make it over the hills on stage 2 and just had bad position on the finish, landing 7th. In my two other bunch finishes, I took 5th and 4th. Both of them came after some seriously hard racing where legs were being torn off and races in which I would not have seen the finish line the year before. So, I was happy that I am racing strong and have my fitness back... my sprint is still not quite as snappy as I want, but I can feel it coming along. I am feeling ready for Europe again and very very very eager to get over there and race some more!

My head is swimming with sleep deprivation so I can’t write much or well. But I just wanted to post that it was a great week of such hard racing and I am proud to be a member of our peloton. My hat is off to so many strong riders who really showed some great grit this week. Thanks for making it such a fun week guys! It was a great week for women’s racing.

Resolutions... ode to my mom

My mom is an interesting woman. She is in a perpetual state of self-improvement. In the I-Ching, the ancient book of Chinese wisdom, life revolves around 64 day cycles. In her mind, that means that every 64 days is a chance to start something new and do it every day for 64 days. She believes that if you DO do something every day for 64 days, that it will become a routine and that it will be with you forever.

Sounds nice, but in actuality, I can personally attest to the fact that this is simply not true. One’s mother can clearly make her bed every single day for 64 days straight, only to have the 65th day dawn with and conclude with a bed that stands in disarray. Yet, as much as I have mocked my mother endlessly for her devotion to self-change- I love the idea of constantly changing one’s self. And, it does sometimes stick! And either way- it is a fun game to play. Trying to change. She has twice now done Bikriam yoga every day for 64 days- only to not do it again for months! But still... she DID go every day...

For me, I am human and don’t like a ton of things about myself. Many of them are changeable and I want to change them. Some are little things, some are bigger. Today on my ride- I was thinking about how I want to go on a 64 day cycle.

How my mother figured out what number day she was on, she added up how many days she had been alive- carefully and obsessively figuring in leap years- and then divided by 64. She took the remainder and that was her number day. Me? That was simply too difficult... (for those of you who don’t know, I am a TOTAL nerd. I think that I missed my calling as a programer)... so, I put in a formula for excel- enter the birthday, subtract from =NOW(), take the quotient of the number of days divided by 64, =QUOTIENT(B2,64), then subtract out the number of days to get the remainder: that is the number day you are on. Then subtract that from 64 and add it to the =NOW() formula and baddabamn, baddabing... you know which day is your next number one day. 8/26/07.

For my mother- that would mean that she would be completely unable to change her life in any dramatic way until 8/26/07. In fact, according to her logic- it appears that if you were to start doing anything that you want to change in your life before a number one day... it won’t help you at all and is totally wasted energy. She has a dash of OCD. Just a touch.

For me, I want to make a few changes, but I don’t need to start on some special day. I want to start today. One thing... I want to be better about my blog. I like to think that I am an intelligent person, but sometimes I do feel like a total idiot when I post entries that I have not proof-read and am too lazy to capitalize letters in. So, the new rule... I will hit the shift bar. I will read before I hit publish.

On a different note: I am a very lucky person and am keenly aware of just how lucky I am. I have had people try and tell me that I have made my luck, or at least that all that I have is not just due to luck. Yes, I do like to think that I have worked hard to get to where I am. But ultimately- I believe that it is me capitalizing on my good luck and not me making my fate all on my own. I simply could not have the life that I have if I were not an incredibly lucky person. I am lucky.

The good luck that I have had in my life is largely due to some wonderful people. A lot of them... and not just the people who KNOW that they are responsible for the good things in my life. My second grade teacher... my eighth grade math teacher... a man who worked at Berkeley and kept me hanging in and not quitting volleyball in my last two miserable years. I want to thank these people. They probably hardly remember me. But I want them to know that they have made a huge impression on my life. So, one of my resolutions is to thank some of these people. I want them to know that my luck did not come from in a vacuum. And they are a big part of that. So... that is one of my resolutions. I want to thank some people who have been very instrumental in my life and don’t know it.

It will, of course, be hard to follow up on my resolutions right away. Harry Potter will be devouring a lot of my free-time until I have found out for certain that Snape really is a good guy and will be instrumental in helping Harry defeat Voldemort. Once I am done with the Deathly Hallows, it will be on to improving my life... the real reason for my resolution? I already know that a profound state of depression is eminent with the conclusion of Harry Potter. I am so sad to know that it is almost over.

PS... my mom’s latest resolution is to learn to love cycling. Above, she is riding my race bike from last year (Pepto- my beloved pink LOOK 555 which I am so in love with that I could not possibly sell... so I gave her to my mom). Mom is sporting some prescription goggles, since she does not like the wind in her eyes. And yes, her hair is braided... but she has been doing that for ages when she does yoga. Not sure which one of us started that one first! She is pretty cute though, huh?

Doctor moron...

i am laughing SO hard at my mistake on my last blog... bingeing on T-shirts... not purging them! that is just too funny. yes... i am a moron. i now have a degree to tell me that!

i am tired. had a long day. i was motorpacing this am and working on my sprint. AM being loosely applied to about 3PM, since the REAL AM is tour-time... the mornings get pushed back a tad... anyway- roger, our mechanic/manager is staying with us, so he drove the volvo and i hugged the bumper and worked on jumping around the car. that was my first time motorpacing and it went well except that it is too rolling here for it. so we worked too hard and then not hard enough. but the sprints were good and my legs were nice and cooked after.

then, i headed out about an hour from here to do a training crit in a church parking lot. i was racing with the boys and really just wanted to get a good workout in. only 45 minutes, so not a whole lot of time to go hard. soooo.... i attacked from the gun. i was caught about halfway around the course and then some guys countered and i got on that. then, everyone sat up. so, i attacked again. went off the front until they caught me. then they countered and again, i covered. then they sat up... again. basically, there were only two guys there that would attack, so when they went, no one else would go. since i only cared about going hard and working on my jump... that meant that it was my job to make people hurt today. sooo.... yes. i attacked again. and again. and again. all and all, i was off the front four times in 15 minutes and going hard. but i was slipping and sliding around on the wet pavement and thought that i had a flat. so, i pulled off for a wheel change, only to realize that it was just that the pavement sucked and so i was sliding around on slick road and not soft tire. oops. so i was down a lap (no free laps) and chasing. but then the thunderstorm came in and spoiled the party. i actually kind of like racing in horrendous conditions- i figure that most people hate it and i don’t, so that makes it good for me! anyway, so in this case though... training crit? rain? slick pavement? uh, no dice. so, i pulled out. oh well. fun ride in the mean time.

but then... i was just about to get home when i get a call from my hubby that usada was at the door and looking for me to pee in a cup for them. isn’t that sweet? since my trip europe, i am now enrolled in the out of competition testing program... that means that usada has to know where i am at ALL times... they will know where i am more than my husband does. it is flattering and i am no doper... so other than the pain in the neck factor- i am happy to help ensure that the sport stays clean. it is always scary though to get tested. i KNOW i am clean and will always be clean. but still- it is scary to think that there could be something that goes wrong. what if i got tested positive? it is scary to even think about. you hear horror stories of people getting positive results from vitamins that are cross contaminated etc. i stopped taking vitamins a while back for that very reason. anyway, so until i get the results back- there is always that concern that there could be a mistake. i don’t like to think about it.

Day off and moving in...

i was looking a good picture to describe how i feeling like i am just running around constantly and constantly busy... and for some reason, google images gave me this picture when i googled “busy busy”. i found it rather amusing, so here it is.

so, today is my first day off in a while and i have a million things to do. stupid things- like move in to my new place. i am not good at that and i know that we will not be living here that long, so part of me is not all that hip about REALLY moving in. i have been joking that i have been living out of a suitcase for so long that i have forgotten how to live out of drawers and closets! so, when i got home, i did not want to put my things away (since they did not have homes yet anyway), so i had a large pile in the corner of the room that i sifted through. andrew was not a big fan of my new system, so today- i am officially moving stuff in.

one of the things that i have really come to realize since i have been living on so few items of clothing for so long now- man... i have WAY too many clothes! and i ma not a clothes person at all. neither of us are, but we BOTH have too much crap. i have been doing some massive bingeing. i don’t want to hang on to old t-shirts for sentimental value. all kind of stuff is getting the ol’ heave ho. the funny thing is that andrew has way more clothes than i have too! you would never think it if you met him, but he has so many clothes that he just won’t part with. probably close to a dozen pairs of kaki pants from back in his banker days that either don’t fit well or look horrible from years of wear. but he might need them again. i counted nearly 50 t-shirts today... most over 10 year old. more comfy that way, but each one has a story and so they are hard to part with even if they have not seen the likes the sunshine in years. sigh. for me now, i just want to get rid of it all! if we have not worn it in a year... toss it out. but that is not something that you can instill on someone else. andrew does not tell me to throw things out, so i have to not nag him too much. he knows that i want them gone and has made some sacrifices in his wardrobe. baby steps.

a friend of mine has a rule that if he has not worn something in a month, it is gone. i am impressed with his discipline. that does not work when you have winter and summer wear, but still. i like the idea. in my bingeing, that is in my mind. how long since i have worn this and will i ever REALLY wear it again? do i need it? if it disappeared, would i know? would i care?

it is funny though how hard it is to let go of “things”. especially when they have some sentimental or physical value. it is hard to think that the value of an item is zero if you are not going to sell it or use it. especially if someone else could. it is hard for me, for example, to get rid of old cycling jerseys. i know how much i paid for them, so it is hard to part with them. but i don’t wear them. i have SO many now. so, off they go! i just send them to people who i think will wear them. newer cyclists who are still excited to get a jersey. or a great pair of shorts that would cost $60+ bucks that i won’t be needing...

now, i am off to bed bath and beyond... the mecca for home-makers and their organizational assaults. not a place that i am thrilled to be going to, but i have a gift certificate and could use some trashcans. i just hope i can rally. i am not a shopper...

Cleveland rocks...

so, now that i am in cleveland... it is really not all that bad! i swear!

it actually has really been great. i am getting in SUCH good training! i can ride 5+ hours and hardly stop at all! once i get into amish country, it is just buggies that i have to contend with. the surrounding areas are gorgeous and all rolling hills.

it feels really good to get into a good training block again. it has been a LONG time! after europe, i was pretty fried and had to deal with my graduation and such. and then with all my racing and traveling, it was hard to get in a solid block. now, training is my whole focus. i am missing nats so that i can just train... sorry mara! i wish that i could deliver you the best apple-basket ever! but sadly, i have to work on building my base and getting that sprint back on form!

ps... mara did awesome in the TT! (i am a member of the mara abbott fan club: member since 2005. it is an exclusive club and i only wear the “i love mara” shirt in the privacy of my own home while google-stalking her results). stacy and marisa did it too, but they did not have their best showings. stacy has been busting her butt with her school work (i know that one!) and so she is not on her peak form. there is a bit of an inverse relationship there... and marisa had a good personal effort and i know that she will really develop into a great time trialist!

anyway, so i digress. cleveland... i had been dreading coming here. in all honesty. i was mostly in denial and refused to think about it. but now that i am here and settling in a bit- it really has been good so far. like i said, the riding is great. no big climbs, but lots of rollers and lots of flats to drill it at your LT on. i am very excited and very motivated!

right now- i have to run. i have THE BEST salad on earth to eat (i have a new “brookesalad” that i am indulging in for the moment) and then i am going to run downtown to catch the second half of the indians game. should be fun. bye!

Crazy... more traveling than a human should.

the last few weeks have been pure craziness. i left nature valley, went to colorado for a week long pursuit camp- that was SO HARD! the track is a new definition of suffering for me. i got back on thursday night only to get in the car on saturday AM, drive for 7 hours, race that night, then drive back sunday another 7 hours... monday, on a plane to california for about 8 hours of travel after a layover in houston!... a presentation to TIBCO on tuesday, then a 6:15AM flight on wednesday for another 7-8 hours of travel back to cleveland! WHEW!

that is not the reason i have not been blogging. truthfully, after i finished my dissertation, i got out of the writing mode. i was kind of boycotting on a subconscious level, i think. at any rate- when i DID try to write, it would not come out well. i was frustrated that i could not express myself and that it did not feel good. honestly, i felt like an idiot. sort of like i was done with my phd and now my brain could being to atrophy back so some previous state of pre-academic mush.

that is behind me now. i have been working on stuff for the team that gets me very involved and keeps me mentally acute. now i feel like i can write again and i want to get back to my blog. i do feel like it is good for me to assess my day in some electronic form.

i am not going to write too much right now though since i promised someone that i would write up a thing for cyclingnews. when it comes out, i will send a link. so, i have to start that. but i did want to get a little literal calisthenics in getting my fingers warmed up to write again.

so quickly... one of the things that i did get done yesterday is i FINALLY got a bike fit! i went to our bike fit guy, curtis at revolutions in fitness (www.revolutionsinfitness.com) and he is fantastic! he was a physical therapist who did the AIDS ride (the same year i did!) and realized that a lot of bike pain could be prevented. so, he decided to combine PT with bike fitting and went to study bike fits. it is a great combo- PT and bike fitting...

i was SO blown away with what i learned about my body. i have always been pretty comfortable on the bike and so i had not prioritized getting fit. i have had people tell me before that i should have my knee above the spindle at 90* etc, but i kind of felt that as long as i was not feeling pain or discomfort on the bike, i was pretty much ok.

what was interesting is that i have one leg that is much larger than the other. i told curtis thought that i did not think that there was all that much of a strength different. true enough- when i pedal, my stroke is very smooth and even between my two legs. humm! interesting when one leg is gianormous and the other practically puny! (and ACL knee reconstruction in 1993 is the reason for the size difference). anyway, well, we dissected out my body with a fine tooth comb and found out that the reason i pedal smoothly but have freaky, disproportionate legs is that i compensate with my back and abs. my whole left side (sans quad) is so much stronger than my right! that told me two things... 1. i need to work on strengthening my core to balance me out (i do get some back pain on occasion as a result of the twisting of my core from my asymmetry) and 2. if my wimpy leg can put out as much power as my strong leg because of core muscles.... then core is even more important than i thought! i always though of core as being important for preventing injury and driving some power... but this really hit home to me that i am getting POWER from my back and abs when i am just pedaling in the saddle. so, shirking on my core work is a very bad thing. bad brooke! do your core! it was fascinating.

i can’t wait to try out my new fit. i am going to be riding tomorrow and checking things out. i encouraged him to really try things since we had a lot of room to play around. the best thing is that he wants me to touch base and see how things are going so we can keep trying things. he is not just sending me off.

i feel so dumb for not going to him earlier. if you are seriously about cycling, getting a good fit is a great idea. sounds dumb, since everyone always says that it is important to get a good fit... but now i am devout in my advocacy of a good bike fit!

i honestly did not even mean that as a big plug for curtis. but he is great.

for now, i am going to go write up that diary entry and get on my flight. it will feel DAMN good to be home for SO long! i will be home until the 21st!